Yeah, I don't know what it is about Ony--maybe how long it takes to get a raid toghether for it, or something-but, finally, after several attempts similar to the one described by the OP, I found myself in a raid that was at least a bit more determined than others. We wiped on the trash, going in, twice...nobody accused anyone, or left. The RL simply told everyone to adjust the tactics, here or there (he was more specific), and we got on with it. The actual fight took three trys, mostly because most of the people there were new to the encounter...morale stayed high, because the whole thing was about having fun, while at the same time, focusing on the fight.
When we finally did kill Ony, it was one of the most wonderful kills I've ever been involved in, as, at about 20%, she killed everyone but the MT, a shaman healer, and me, as Shadow Priest. It took forever, with her fears coming, one of us almost dying several times (I got feared dangerously close to her tail three times, for example), all trinkets popped, and me doing more dps than I've ever done before (I've struggled with the 4k wall, for past several months). I don't think I've ever used my shadow fiend so many times, in one fight!
Gear--yeah--it's important...that's why I come to sites like this, after all. But, I also think determination, humor, practice, and sometimes just sheer luck, make all the difference.
-"Just like a buzzin' fly, I come into your life, I'll float away, like honey in the sun..."--Tim Buckley