I agree with everything you have said. I just recently started tanking because our EXTREMELY casual guild needed another tank. I really like being a tank for the most part...caster DPS is still my first love though
I have been reluctant to PUG becasue of what you have said. I have been DPS in many groups where the others are just plain mean to the tanks, as well as the healers. As a main DPS'r, i am actually ashamed of how folks are acting these days. I just don't get why people feel the need to be total pricks to another person.
I personally care what gear you are in, or if its your very first time running that instance, I give everyone a chance, and show them the respect they deserve...untill they don't deserve it anymore.
On the flip side though.....tanks that think they can solo run a heroic, need to be shot.
Even as a DPS'r, I take a few seconds and see what gear eveyone is in, and use that to make suggestions on how we should run the instance. That is something that everyone should do before the run starts.
Now for my rules: (when i do start tanking in PUGS)
1. First rude comment will get you kicked. I don't have time for it. If I can't get a vote to kick, I am gone. Simple as that.
2. If you pull it, you tank it. I won't even bother with the mob some dumb ass, in a hurry, DPS'r pulls. I will whisper to the healer at start of run to tell them not to heal that wanna-be tank.
3. I have a 3 wipe limit. That goes for any roll I am playing. This only applies to the 5 man heroics. If its the ICC 5mans, I will make an exception, just depends on the reasoning for the wipe.
4. Pull your own weight. If you have the ability do remove curses, poisons, diesease, or silence, you had better be doing it. I will ocassionally check Skada, and if i see DPS doing nothing but DPS, something will be done about it. I better never see a healer doing all the interupts and cleansing...some....but not all.
I don't remember who said it here on this site, or what thread it was in, but it was a really good comment. If I see a DPS'r doing 8K, but has not even dispelled or silenced one time, he will go before the person doing 3K and dispelling and silencing as ofter and permisable.
Anyway, most of these rules are about the same as what most tanks and healers will have I am sure.
It's a shame really, that we even have to make rules. A little common courtesy goes along way, not to mention, some basic understanding of how to actually play your class.