I have yet to see a way in which my DK is vastly inferior to a Paladin. It's apples and oranges, we fill the same role but we do it very differently, and bring different abilities and methods to the mix. If your group has a lot of paladins, it might not be a bad idea, though catching your DK up sounds like quite a task to go from 74 to t9-ready.
Your healers may moan but that doesn't require you to actually take more damage. If you try to tank with lesser gear than your paladin, that difference will be evident. In general though, there should be little perceivable difference between the two classes when equally geared and equally well-played.
Either works, and both are extensively done. If you're going for raid balance, you may actually consider more what buffs you can offer. Do you have a Hunter or Enhance Shaman offering the +10% AP buff? Do you have someone providing the +13% spell damage buff (Unholy is a perfectly valid choice as well)? Pick the one that suits you and practice hard. The DK class benefits a long way from continual improvement with the particular style you choose.
As for dual wielding, you can be fine without slow weapons, though if you're using fast weapons it should be because you're getting survival stats out of them (i.e. tanking weapons). Fast dps weapons should always be your last choice, and in t9 content, you shouldn't be making do.
They are little more important than they are as a Paladin, though for the sake of feel it can be preferable to be nearer to those caps. As a DK you use runes, right? The runes will regen faster if you miss or are dodged/parried, but it can really mess with the feel of your rotation/method as you play.
In general the same rules apply to stats, really.
If your gear is on par the only reason you would lose threat is a simple matter of player skill. There are some things to be said for smart spec, gem, and enchant choices, but provided you aren't doing something *really* wonky, there's no one to blame but the player.
The class is fully sufficient to tank anything you throw at it.



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