I noticed that alot of bear tank druids here have str/def jewelry rather than agil/dodge. Does the defense help us that much? I just dont want to be pissing off plate tanks where that does help them and to give them a valid reason why i'm rolling on something they need
There are lots of items intended for bears, you just need to learn to spot them.
-Defense *is* useful to bears, just in small quantities. In addition to the useless parry/block/crit immunity, Defense gives small amounts of dodge, and more importantly, increases the chances that a boss would MISS. Since most other tanks already have large quantities of defense, each point of defense only adds a small amount, but for bears, since we never stack defense, it's contribution is actually useful (for the first little bit). However, I would not stack it, whatever you get on your gear, all well and good.
-Strength is a direct threat stat, which in subsequent patches will be phased out of a bear's arsenal. Currently, a feral druid still gets 2 AP for 1 strength, but if you factor talents (SoF and iMotW) and blessing of Kings, about 2.4 AP. Without strength, your only source of additional AP is Feral AP provided by your weapon, amplified by talents. Given the importance of EH in endgame, I wouldn't be worrying about strength. If you are having threat issues and have hit/expertise under control, then you probably need a new weapon.
-As for actual gear, the primary people that get robbed by ferals are as follows:
-Rogues, primarily leather, but cats roll on everything a rogue does except for weapons
-DK tanks for weapons and tanking necklaces/rings/trinkets/etc.
-Hunters/Enh shamans, and to a lesser extent DPS plate classes, for weapons (staves/polearms/2h maces), and cats go for trinkets/rings/necklaces/etc.
-Warriors/paladins tanks on tanking necklaces/rings/trinkets/etc. excluding items that have SBV
For loot rules, if you look carefully there are some specifc items that have bears/DKs in mind. For example Keystone Great-Ring - Item - World of Warcraft is clearly for druids and DKs, not a single useless stat for a bear in it (although the strength is less than optimal for a bear, agi would have been less than optimal for DKs...)