LF Your Opinion on Guild Relationships

Fealthas · #1 11-04-2009, 01:26 PM

I was wondering what people think about having officers or GM and others involved in an IRL relationship? I ask because my previous GM was dating another Officer and this seemed to make things very unbalanced with having only a few officers. Lets see what you all have to say

Bashal · #2 11-04-2009, 01:34 PM

I have had some married couples as officers in my guild. There were a lot more than there are now.

I usually found that when one had a strong opinion about something, the other would stay out of it, which is probably the best way to go, really.

In a situation where both are voicing the exact same opinion, it's difficult to determine if both agree independently from each other or simply agreeing with their significant other because (s)he is their significant other. My tendency would be to count their opinion as a single one, rather than two.

If people are just counting their opinions without taking that into consideration, then that could definitely throw things out of whack.

Fealthas · #3 11-04-2009, 01:36 PM

So would you say that for voting purposes, approaching them about having their votes count as 1 (except when they disagree) might be a good idea?

Bashal · #4 11-04-2009, 01:40 PM

Source: Fealthas
So would you say that for voting purposes, approaching them about having their votes count as 1 (except when they disagree) might be a good idea?

I'd say so. Although some tact would be required when broaching the subject. My guild never did actual votes, it was more of a "listen to officers and then make a decision" kind of thing, so it wasn't something that I had to explicitly lay out when I was GM, it was just a factor in my mind when weighing opinions.

Fealthas · #5 11-04-2009, 01:41 PM

Yeah I get that, Im just worried about my new GM.. she's starting to date an officer in guild and currently Im the only other person who knows so Im trying to figure out what to do before they like, move in together <.<

Bashal · #6 11-04-2009, 01:43 PM

Source: Fealthas
Yeah I get that, Im just worried about my new GM.. she's starting to date an officer in guild and currently Im the only other person who knows so Im trying to figure out what to do before they like, move in together <.<

At this stage, I'd do nothing, tbh. See how it looks like this is panning out before you say anything. There's nothing worse than ringing a false alarm.

Sedgewick · #7 11-04-2009, 04:25 PM

The GM/Officer positions are appointed to players in order to provide support to the best interests of the guild. You must look at what they're bringing to the table, regardless of relationship. If they're still directing the guild towards it's goals with success, then there should not be any cause for concern. However, if this relationship is creating biased decisions and thus hurting the guild more than helping, the management structure needs to be re-evaluated.

I won't even touch on what happens when when a GM & Officer end a relationship.... yuck.

Fealthas · #8 11-04-2009, 04:32 PM

Source: Sedgewick
The GM/Officer positions are appointed to players in order to provide support to the best interests of the guild. You must look at what they're bringing to the table, regardless of relationship. If they're still directing the guild towards it's goals with success, then there should not be any cause for concern. However, if this relationship is creating biased decisions and thus hurting the guild more than helping, the management structure needs to be re-evaluated.

I won't even touch on what happens when when a GM & Officer end a relationship.... yuck.

Seen it before... she broke up with her ex like 3 months ago, he got on her toon when she was flying home, disbanded the guild and deleted all her gear, etc

Bashal · #9 11-05-2009, 07:52 AM

Source: Fealthas
he got on her toon when she was flying home, disbanded the guild and deleted all her gear, etc

Sharing account info is bad.

**Aleanathem** · #10 11-06-2009, 11:45 PM

Source: Bashal
Sharing account info is bad.

I wouldn't say I support it, but that's more a sign of immaturity. Yes, we all need to release our anger, but a childish act as such does nothing to help your image in game or out.

**Penlowe** · #11 11-08-2009, 03:04 PM

Reading this I realized every GM I've had was married and both spouses played & served the guild, I'm sure that's a very small percentage of guilds.

I agree with 'wait & see', if things develop in their relationship but don't change structure within the guild, it's nothing to worry about. Who knows, maybe this is 'it' for them and you are witnessing the start of something beautiful

That said, more often than not people get all mushy when they are in a new relationship and prone to do stupid things as a result. If things start to change away from the current well functioning structure, here are a few tips for communicating displeasure without rocking the boat so bad as to sink it.

1) be positive. Remember the adage 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all', or my moms favorite 'you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar'. Couching criticism between some nice things (preferably about the guild or it's management) will give you credibility when you lodge a complaint, it shows you thought about more than just your personal stake in whatever it is you are complaining about.

2) be specific. "people" are always unhappy about "stuff you are doing". This kind of statement carries no weight at all, it's a waste of time. "I'm not real excited about the line up changes to the Ulduar team. I would like to hear your reasoning behind replacing a great healer with a medium one. Also, Bob is pretty upset about being replaced". Your GM might have good reasons you don't know about or things that may seem less important to you but are a bigger deal to your GM.

3) timing is everything. Don't pounce the second your GM logs on, don't start thirty seconds before first pull, don't start after a bad raid. The best time is one you make an appointment for. After a run say "hey, I have a few things I'd like to talk to you about, can we jump on Vent an hour before raid tomorrow?".

4) let them 'gang up' on you. (This only applies to situations with couples) Ask for the meeting with both persons in this new relationship. This acknowledges the relationship, that you see them as both important individuals, and that you expect them to be sharing information. This also diffuses the situation where one is getting cues from the other over what to say, as they are both being addressed.

woodyman · #12 11-11-2009, 08:48 AM

ive been in a guild where the boyfriend of guild leader booted everyone from guild for no reason.
i think its just to volatile when people are emotionally involved.

i have a sister and my dad on same realm as me....that would make an interesting start to a guild *gulp*

Bashal · #13 11-11-2009, 08:51 AM

Source: woodyman
ive been in a guild where the boyfriend of guild leader booted everyone from guild for no reason.

I think it depends entirely on the maturity of both people involved. And frankly, if someone higher up in the ranks of a guild is immature, whether involved in a relationship or not, some pretty weird/random stuff can occur anyway. I'd chalk it up to the people involved, not the relationship itself.

**holyjebus** · #14 11-11-2009, 08:52 AM

i play with my wife. and we dont bring our relationship in game. BUT i once had a gm go off at her and it caused problems cause i dident agree it was found out he was wrong and apologized. as for the one vote for both idea. i dont agree, me and my wife have different outlooks and opinions of course we get in each others ears but at the end of the day when does a wife listen to her husband or vis versa lol. no really tho let them have there separate voice in the matter. if its sus ask the wife lol the guys usually to defensive :P god im trying to take this post serious but i keep buting myself off, let me start again.

i think its fair for both to have their say. don't single them out as a couple. the guild should be a professional work place when needed and GM's and officers should know that, and should not let their personal lives impact on guild subjects of seriousness.

act professional and *&^% later.

regards,
HJ

edit - im sorry if you got nothing out of this post. i have had nothing but bad luck trying to explain things tonight... its been a long day.

off to bed.

woodyman · #15 11-11-2009, 08:53 AM

true but i think IRL relationship definatly increases the chances especially with the strains on people financially at this time

**Bishoptwo** · #16 11-11-2009, 09:45 AM

Source: Fealthas
Yeah I get that, Im just worried about my new GM.. she's starting to date an officer in guild and currently Im the only other person who knows so Im trying to figure out what to do before they like, move in together <.<

...this isn't going to end well.

It may be a completely different story if 2 people know each other IRL, dated IRL, married IRL etc etc.

I don't know this to be totally true but I'm assuming that this is an e relationship, correct me if I'm wrong.

...key words here being "e-relationship"...

There is like a 99.9 percent chance that any e relationship will fail. Take into account that when people break up IRL they don't behave rationally then add the internet to that equation. You're in for a S%$* Storm.

It's whatever you want to do. I just know that this is the 2nd post you have made here recently with guild issues.

Time to find a new guild maybe?

**Penlowe** · #17 11-11-2009, 07:33 PM

The best place to meet someone you will be happy with is someplace you enjoy being, whether that be temporal or virtual. Unless you're me, then you meet him at a Frat party

That said, I don't judge those who meet on line.

Immature people will eventually crash and burn as guild leaders regardless of their love life. If the way they display their immaturity is through in-game relationships, all the easier for you to prepare & plan for said impending crash.