RL: South Africa revisited

So some of you may know that I've been back to SA for a 2 week holiday, I returned to England yesterday with the weirdest sense of home-coming ever. I apologise if this blog is a bit of a ramble, but I'm just trying to make sense of feelings the trip back has caused. This is not meant to be pro- or anti-SA nor do I believe that the grass is always greener elsewhere.

Background

I was born in the UK to two white english parents who moved to SA in the mid 1980s, I did my entire schooling in SA as well as my university undergraduate degree before returning to England with my SA-born husband to continue my university training. I was 12 when apartheid ended and will admit to never questioning why my junior school was completely white. Through highschool I attended a "model C" school, which was open to all races and loved the new freedom and diversity that came with that. At university I was again part of the "rainbow nation" and will always remember dancing with friends of all races to all hours in nightclubs to "Impi".

Decisions

Four years ago I was offered the opportunity to return to England and myself and my husband (who had never travelled outside SA) made the decision to commit ourselves to the UK for three years. Although I am still completing my PhD I have started work and we have made the decision to buy a home here. That decision was a gradual process which culminated a few months ago with us both starting new jobs and moving within the UK, with one father who will not travel and all parents, sisters, brother-in-laws, nieces and nephews in South Africa (and one sister in the USA) it was not an easy decision, and I will admit to being a little nervous before our trip back to SA that we might regret it a little. After many discussions and hard thoughts it was a decision that boiled down to being closer to family versus the opportunities for us in the UK.

I loved seeing my husband's parents with our niece and nephew, and was saddened by the knowledge that any children we will have will not know their grandparents (or cousins) in the same way. I would love to be able to give my children the same incredibly wonderful SA upbringing that I had, but so much has changed since I was a child. I grew up in a home without burglar alarms and panic buttons; free to walk a couple of blocks to a friend's house; able to apply for bursaries and assistance with university fees and able to dream of a job granted on the basis of skill and ability. My niece is growing up in a home with a burglar alarm; her mother doesnt even walk their dog round the block by herself; and the unhappiness of friends battling to find jobs is sometimes heartbreaking. Only in SA is the obvious contradiction of "We are an equal opportunity employer seeking a person from a previously disadvantaged background for the role of ..." seen in job adverts.

Before you think it's all doom and gloom it's not. We have friends whose wedding we flew back to attend who have just bought their first home (in a complex) and who both are happy at work and play. You can still get some of the finest meat in the world at the local restuarants and even if Steers chips aren't as good as they were, the burgers are still great. Inflation however has made it a more expensive trip back and we definitely found ourselves dividing by 15 to make ourselves feel better! The open spaces, incredible winter weather of 24C during the day lull one into a false sense of heaven. Looking closer one sees the vandalised motorway signs (stolen for scrap metal) and battle with tempermental water supplies (the infrastructure is aging and leaks are common). This time I didn't even visit the centre of my home town, as none of our friends or family shop or do business there, all use the new business parks and malls built on the outskirts of towns. It was uplifting to see the groundswell of support for change in Zimbabwe, even if the upper echelons of the SA government still resist it at the same time it was disheartening to hear the ANC (ruling party) youth league leader declare "they will kill to support Zuma" (current ANC leader, and likely next SA president, who may face corruption charges).

As usual it was a trip to a country filled with extremes of opinions, hopes, fears, circumstances, thoughts and dreams. And I've returned to the UK not only physically tired (don't try and squish a sister's and a best friends wedding into the same 2 week trip!) but emotionally exhausted by the conflicting emotions SA always raises in me. But last night I fell asleep content in our flat dreaming of our first house and home and of welcoming our parents over for a visit.