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Man vs Beast (Part 1)
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Man vs Beast (Part 1)

Posted 11-20-2007 at 10:00 AM by Paumedie
Updated 11-20-2007 at 01:11 PM by Paumedie
I have a problem. It's a rather small problem (quite literally) in the grand scheme of things. This problem is of the genus and species "Mus musculus" more commonly referred to as a house mouse. This particular incarnation I have nicknamed Diablo Muerto. I'll refer to him as DM from now on.

DM is a very health-conscious mouse (and for that I commend him). I know this because he bypassed my Pop Tarts and NutriGrain bars and went straight for the 100% whole wheat bread that I had sitting on my counter. DM is no ordinary adversary. He is fit, he is crafty, and he is my nemesis.

Having secured all of my food in the pantry and other such mouse-inaccessible places, I was feeling pretty secure in the fact that I had neither seen nor heard from DM in about a week's time. Assuming him to have moved on to more abundant sources of food, I had all but forgotten about DM...until last night anyway.

I was settling in for some 2v2 with my shaman partner around 1:00 AM when off to my right I heard a tell-tale rustling.

[Party][Paumedie]: There is a mouse
[Party][Paumedie]: in my room
[Party][Paumedie]: right now
[Party][Paumedie]: afk for murder

Quietly putting on my shoes, I grabbed the only two weapons at my disposal: a flashlight (one of the old school, heavy D-battery flashlights) and an empty glass bottle. What I was going to do with these two make-shift weapons I hadn't quite figured out yet, but it was a comfort to know that I at least had them should the need arise.

Moving slowly forward, I narrowed down DM's position to the short trash can I had placed beside my desk. I slid the trash can out a bit so I could get a better look and I waited...and I waited...and I waited.

*silence*

For what seemed like hours (but was more like 5 minutes), I engaged DM in an intense game of Quiet Mouse, Still Mouse. I fancy myself pretty good at this game, but DM proved to be much too difficult an opponent. Growing impatient, I decided to try to close DM up in the trash bag. As I began to pull the two sides of the trash bug upward to seal his plastic bag tomb, DM leaped over my hand and scurried toward the side of my desk...stopping under the shelter of a small piece of cardboard leaning against my desk.

My plan at this point (it was admittedly not a very good plan), was to try quickly move the cardboard providing his cover and smash him with the bottle. DM, remember, is a very fit mouse, and my plan was met with failure. It took him mere milliseconds to find a new shelter in the form of a bureau drawer that I had removed and set on the floor in order to facilitate a shelf I had built for my dvd player to sit on.

I quickly grabbed two pair of old socks and stuffed them in the only two exits from underneath the drawer, thus trapping DM. At least...I think he's under there. I tapped the drawer to try and elicit some sort of sound from inside. There was some doubt in my mind at this point as to whether my eyes had played tricks on me (it was late after all). There was a remote possibility that DM had actually gone between the drawer and the wall and was now long gone and in preparation for his next assault.

To assist in ascertaining whether or not I had, in fact, captured this foul creature, I prepared something that no mouse can resist... I placed cheese inside of a mason jar and removed the socks blocking one of the exits. Quickly re-covering the hole with the Mason jar, I felt confident in the fact that if DM were there the cheese would be too irresistable and I would be able to trap him inside the jar. After watching for several minutes with no sign of life, I resigned myself to the fact that I had, in fact, not trapped DM after all.

The jar was visible from my desk, so I went about 2v2-ing for several hours (damn druids) and glanced over at the jar regularly to try and sneak a peak at a cheese-hungry mouse. We finally ended about 4:00 AM and I went to bed.

I awoke this morning to find my cheese still fully intact...

...and a mouse sized hole in my socks.

Diablo Muerto 1 - Paumedie 0

Update: It almost seems like cheating, but I bought some mouse traps and glue pads during my lunch break today. A part of me wants to go all Makguyver on him and fashion some sort of diabolical contraption out of Erector and Lincoln Logs.

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Mice seem to like peanut butter for some reason, even if it is spread on the trigger of a mousetrap.

Good luck scoring a point of your own.
Posted 11-22-2007 at 10:01 PM by Korintar Korintar is offline
 
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