Too Easy
I had my 2nd parent/teacher conference yesterday with my daughter's kindergarten teacher. I was told my kid is doing really well in all areas, math, reading, writing, science. Her teacher showed me some test results and said that she could not really place her skill since my daughter maxed the tool used to test her with. She may be late 2nd grade, 3rd grade level in some of her skills. She can read on her own, make up and write stories whereas some of her class mates are still learning to write some letters.
Now that was all great news. Her teacher told me she's worried about keeping her challenged, so far it's not a problem. However I know that when my husband was in school he was gifted and bored. One of the greatest qualities I love and respect about him is his intelligence. So, my daughter's teacher tells me, 'if Emily gets bored with her homework she can skip it.' To which I replied, 'you know, we all have menial tasks we have to do in real life, it's okay for her to do work she's not really interested in or she's bored with.'
The bad news...
Emily is a bit of a bully. I was very shocked to hear this news. She's an only child, discipline is a big thing in our house. To be more specific, my husband and I pick our battles, but Emily knows we mean business when we give her the choice to: pick up her toys or go to bed early (this choice is issued after she's given us a hard time about it). There is no question in her mind that if she does not do what's expected she will get punished.
So what her teacher tells me is that Emily needs to work on her friendship skills and patience. My husband and I have been really happy with this school. They teach 'life skills' once a week. So my daughter is aware of what many concepts, such as patience and friendship, mean. I asked what was going on in the classroom and her teacher told me that sometimes Emily is intentionally mean to students, like someone will stop in line ahead of her to tie their shoe and she will bump into them on purpose. She's elbowed kids, squirted water right in their face. Her teacher said that Emily knows she's done something wrong, that when she takes her aside to talk about it my daughter comes up with alternative ways of dealing with problems, like saying excuse me, or being patient and waiting for her turn. So it's not that she does not understand, she is impulsive and does not stop to think before reacting. Her teacher said that some of the other kids are afraid of her.
Emily and I talked on the way home. We talk about how others feel when you do something not nice to them. That it's not okay to hurt someone physically or their feelings. That if she wants friends, she has to be nice and use her manners, treat others the way she wishes to be treated herself.
My husband was just as surprised when he got home and I had to break the news.
So I'm sitting here trying to come up with specific scenarios for her to 'think through.' She has to practice thinking, before acting impulsively. I think 1-2 exercises in 'thinking' a day.
Kez
Now that was all great news. Her teacher told me she's worried about keeping her challenged, so far it's not a problem. However I know that when my husband was in school he was gifted and bored. One of the greatest qualities I love and respect about him is his intelligence. So, my daughter's teacher tells me, 'if Emily gets bored with her homework she can skip it.' To which I replied, 'you know, we all have menial tasks we have to do in real life, it's okay for her to do work she's not really interested in or she's bored with.'
The bad news...
Emily is a bit of a bully. I was very shocked to hear this news. She's an only child, discipline is a big thing in our house. To be more specific, my husband and I pick our battles, but Emily knows we mean business when we give her the choice to: pick up her toys or go to bed early (this choice is issued after she's given us a hard time about it). There is no question in her mind that if she does not do what's expected she will get punished.
So what her teacher tells me is that Emily needs to work on her friendship skills and patience. My husband and I have been really happy with this school. They teach 'life skills' once a week. So my daughter is aware of what many concepts, such as patience and friendship, mean. I asked what was going on in the classroom and her teacher told me that sometimes Emily is intentionally mean to students, like someone will stop in line ahead of her to tie their shoe and she will bump into them on purpose. She's elbowed kids, squirted water right in their face. Her teacher said that Emily knows she's done something wrong, that when she takes her aside to talk about it my daughter comes up with alternative ways of dealing with problems, like saying excuse me, or being patient and waiting for her turn. So it's not that she does not understand, she is impulsive and does not stop to think before reacting. Her teacher said that some of the other kids are afraid of her.
Emily and I talked on the way home. We talk about how others feel when you do something not nice to them. That it's not okay to hurt someone physically or their feelings. That if she wants friends, she has to be nice and use her manners, treat others the way she wishes to be treated herself.
My husband was just as surprised when he got home and I had to break the news.
So I'm sitting here trying to come up with specific scenarios for her to 'think through.' She has to practice thinking, before acting impulsively. I think 1-2 exercises in 'thinking' a day.
Kez
Total Comments 3
Comments
 |  ahh, parenthood....dontcha just love it? My daughter is similar in that she is not just intelligent but sees the world alot differently than kids her age. Being that she has a younger sister, outright bullying hasn't been a problem but she does have a tendency to be extremely bossy and has to be the star, the leader, the one in charge of her friends, classmates, and family. One thing that I think is helpful is having alot of social interaction with kids her age both in school and outside of school. Both kids take dance lessons and my generation in my family has alot of similar aged children...seems like a birthday party every weekend. Heh, even with a wonderful, bright, healthy kid, parenting is a constant challenge. |
Posted 03-07-2008 at 06:50 AM by Horacio  |
| | Horacio, I'm in the same boat with you, I don't know how you have time to play the game at all. I'm hard-pressed for time after a work week and them. The oldest is in Kindergarten and because of preschool, she entered reading on a first grade level, so she is having a hard time staying focused too. We are looking for the first option we can find to get her into the honors (accelerated) program to get her challenged again. If either of you watched the Today show, there was alittle girl on there this morning that can read at 17 months old. I am quite sure it is just a case of photographic memory, and that tends to breed genius as they mature. All I can think is I wish her parents luck staying in front of her. She will be bored very quickly all throughout life. |
Posted 03-10-2008 at 09:22 AM by smacks  |
| | Bullying can be a difficult thing to stop. We have only one instant-spanking-no-appeal offense in my house.... hurting another person, on purpose. One of the mistakes I see parents make is thinking that this kind of thing is just kid stuff that will pass... and then they're in juvenile delinquency court with an 11 year old who's been charged with felony battery for pushing another kid at school. (And yes, that's how the laws are written, and they are exactly that severe, even for such a minor happenstance). The immediacy of the punishment is probably more important than the severity. Kids have a pretty hard time connecting the dots at a young age. Heck, even at an older age. We saw good success with our drug court program defendants because they were instantly jailed by their probation officer the second they slipped up, as opposed to going through the months-long arraignment, hearing, revocation, sentencinng process. We took our kids to karate so they would learn how to defend themselves (both are tiny) but also to learn physical and mental self-control. I don't exactly know what they do for bullying behaviors there, but I rather suspect it is instant and not-nice. Another thing that we did (and this is unusual) is that we strictly enforced chain-of-command from a very young age. We don't let them argue, re-negotiate, or whine, at all. And never have. I'm sure they'll re-learn how to do this as teenagers, but they haven't yet. It sounds a bit harsh to say "Kids don't get to make this decision. Adults do." Or "Kids don't get to do that. Adults do." when it comes to some special privilege, but the plus side is that they learn to recognize that they're going to be under the authority of others (like it or not) and will have to bear it with good grace until they themselves are in charge. Our kids are more than smart enough to blow through the curriculum, but we chose to have them go to regular school, because they need to learn how to deal with their peer group. I suspect that's a better predictor for success than good grades. Instead of talking with your daughter, try play-acting. I can't tell you how many times I told our oldest to stop kicking the back of my car seat. He could readily recite why it was a bad idea, but it didn't stop him. One day we were sitting in a room in a couple of chairs and I happened to be behind him. So we did a little play-acting. I told him to pretend to be me, driving the car, and I'd call out when cars and such were coming. After a few of these, I started to joggle his seat randomly. And I'd laugh when he asked me to stop. He finally broke down and yelled at me to stop it. "Well, " I said. "If it's that annoying when we're just playing and those other cars won't actually hurt us, how do you think I feel when you do it and we could get into a bad accident?" He not only never kicked my seat again, he recounted the story for years, mightily impressed. I also had a problem with the younger child running into the street without looking. So, I asked the kids for a stuffed animal they were ready to throw away. I put it in the street, about where a tire tread would get it. A few cars passed, and we went out to look at the results. "Is that what would happen to me?" "Nah, you're a kid. There'd be a lot of blood and stuff too. I'm not sure your eyes would actually fall out. Depends on whether your head got crushed. Why?" You got it, no more running into the street. (Note that my attitude throughout these little vignettes was easy and matter-of-fact, and the kids were inquisitive rather than upset. They were fascinated by the crushed, stuffing-leaking stuffed animal rather than upset. You gotta tailor the lesson to the kid.) |
| Posted 03-10-2008 at 09:38 AM by Syllis |
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