The (hopefully) Weekly Top 5:
Posted 07-18-2009 at 02:53 PM by Azadar
Back for another installment, this one was inspired during a 'wtf am I doing here?!?' moment at work. I love my job, so sometimes I have to take a step back from frustration and remind myself how much worse things could get. That said, our new topic for discussion will be "You Couldn't Pay Me Enough"... Top 5 jobs I'd never want to have.
I have to be clear about something: It is not my intent to be seen as bagging on your profession if you happen to fall into one of the forthcoming categories, but simply my own opinion of functions I could never, under any circumstances, see myself performing in civilized society.
Same rules as last time apply: please don't post without a list or partial list of your own. Don't br afraid to "bring it" or say something controversial - controversy is kind of the idea. Name calling is ok, but let's refrain from hair-pulling, eye-gouging or biting. In the event that you need to be separated, please retreat to a neutral corner and come out with your hands up.
These are in no particular order, because (to me) they are so unthinkable that I simply cannot quantify their gross factor.
5. Gynecologist - At first glance, this would seem to be a wonderful profession for a heterosexual male such as myself. Get paid (a lot) to look at vaginas all day?!? Where do I sign up? It's gotta be like going to the strip joint, just without the alcohol or expense, right? Then the realization hits that while you are looking at a lot of vaginas, most have issues... Some may even be dripping. No thanks.
4. Urologist - Same problem as above: most of the ones you are going to look at have issues. On top of that, I don't know if I'd be able to get the memory of writing a Viagra scrip for a 70 year old man out of my head without serious booze or therapy or both. Lastly, I'm straight. Rubber gloves or no, that'd still be another man's junk in my hand. Couldn't do it.
3. Dr Slippy-Finger: The Proctologist - I've never been and don't know that I ever will. There is something inherently questionable about the virtue and motivations of a man that goes to school for 10 years in order to learn to stick his finger in another man's butt. Call me a cynic, but that's how I feel. In contemplating further, I can't say for certain just who should feel more dirty, the guy who's paying to have another man earnestly probe his rectum, or the man being paid to do it it. Guessing there isn't a lot of eye contact between Dr and patient as the exam concludes. On a side note: if he uses more than one finger, you should probably find a new doctor.
2. Any profession which deals with human fecal matter. This can include, but is by no means limited to: plumber, septic tank cleaning, waste-water treatment, lab tech collecting and/or testing stool samples. I'll keep this one succinct: MY poop grosses me out. I would imagine that the "gag factor" would increase exponentially were it someone else's poop. 'Nuff said.
Last, but not least:
1. Any profession which deals in the manual collection or handling of animal semen. This may include - but again, not be limited to - vetrinarian, scientist, etc. I don't much care how badly endangered that species of elephant is, if the male can't do his duty, I'm NOT doing it for him!!! Not now, not ever. It's a bit like prostitution, in my humble opinion: go out back with a test tube and rub that animal off until you collect a 'sample'... Sure, they're glad to see you every time you show up, but how do you look yourself in the mirror every morning? You give animals hand-jobs for money. Just plain dirty. Sorry. If it means that a particular species is going to be extinct because I won't give them a manual release, then I guess you'd better get your pictures of it now... Cuz it's just not happening.
So the next time you're having a rough day, pause to remind yourself that at least you aren't giving a handjob to an alligator or pushing your lubed-up finger into another man's anus.
Your turn:
I have to be clear about something: It is not my intent to be seen as bagging on your profession if you happen to fall into one of the forthcoming categories, but simply my own opinion of functions I could never, under any circumstances, see myself performing in civilized society.
Same rules as last time apply: please don't post without a list or partial list of your own. Don't br afraid to "bring it" or say something controversial - controversy is kind of the idea. Name calling is ok, but let's refrain from hair-pulling, eye-gouging or biting. In the event that you need to be separated, please retreat to a neutral corner and come out with your hands up.
These are in no particular order, because (to me) they are so unthinkable that I simply cannot quantify their gross factor.
5. Gynecologist - At first glance, this would seem to be a wonderful profession for a heterosexual male such as myself. Get paid (a lot) to look at vaginas all day?!? Where do I sign up? It's gotta be like going to the strip joint, just without the alcohol or expense, right? Then the realization hits that while you are looking at a lot of vaginas, most have issues... Some may even be dripping. No thanks.
4. Urologist - Same problem as above: most of the ones you are going to look at have issues. On top of that, I don't know if I'd be able to get the memory of writing a Viagra scrip for a 70 year old man out of my head without serious booze or therapy or both. Lastly, I'm straight. Rubber gloves or no, that'd still be another man's junk in my hand. Couldn't do it.
3. Dr Slippy-Finger: The Proctologist - I've never been and don't know that I ever will. There is something inherently questionable about the virtue and motivations of a man that goes to school for 10 years in order to learn to stick his finger in another man's butt. Call me a cynic, but that's how I feel. In contemplating further, I can't say for certain just who should feel more dirty, the guy who's paying to have another man earnestly probe his rectum, or the man being paid to do it it. Guessing there isn't a lot of eye contact between Dr and patient as the exam concludes. On a side note: if he uses more than one finger, you should probably find a new doctor.
2. Any profession which deals with human fecal matter. This can include, but is by no means limited to: plumber, septic tank cleaning, waste-water treatment, lab tech collecting and/or testing stool samples. I'll keep this one succinct: MY poop grosses me out. I would imagine that the "gag factor" would increase exponentially were it someone else's poop. 'Nuff said.
Last, but not least:
1. Any profession which deals in the manual collection or handling of animal semen. This may include - but again, not be limited to - vetrinarian, scientist, etc. I don't much care how badly endangered that species of elephant is, if the male can't do his duty, I'm NOT doing it for him!!! Not now, not ever. It's a bit like prostitution, in my humble opinion: go out back with a test tube and rub that animal off until you collect a 'sample'... Sure, they're glad to see you every time you show up, but how do you look yourself in the mirror every morning? You give animals hand-jobs for money. Just plain dirty. Sorry. If it means that a particular species is going to be extinct because I won't give them a manual release, then I guess you'd better get your pictures of it now... Cuz it's just not happening.
So the next time you're having a rough day, pause to remind yourself that at least you aren't giving a handjob to an alligator or pushing your lubed-up finger into another man's anus.
Your turn:
Total Comments 7
Comments
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Coz I enjoy these, I'll throw down. little background: I'm a chef so my opinion is based on MY PoV. and tho the idea is to identify or express vitriol the most i can express is pity or intense dislike.
5. telemarketing - I have an intense dislike of receiving these calls, i'm sure they, too, feel how demeaning it is to ask "joe random" what age bracket they fall into and how much alcohol they consume.
4. various "9-5" office jobs - I stand on my feet 12 hrs a day since i started cooking. It was hard at first but now i can't imagine sitting down for 8-10 hrs a day and stare into a computer screen or be part of that mass exodus in the morning that rushes into a city CBD.
3. road side construction worker - I know construction takes the work where they are but specifically i can't imagine being a "lollipop" man, the one standing there with the big flip "slow/stop" sign for 8 hrs. the boredome would just rot whatever was left of my brain that wasn't getting killed by the beer being drunk at the end of the previous mindless work shift.
2. retail salesperson - you know i truly feel sorry for these people. they organise and stack clothing on shelves and racks and all these random ppl move/rearramge/mess up all the work they've done and then, more often than not, don't buy a thing.
1. parking rangers - I lied in my earliest statement. I am able to express bile against these jobs/workers. finding parking should be an achievement especially in urban and CBD settings. to have these ppl sully that achievement with a fine because you are just 1 min over your alotted/paid parking time makes me want to wish they step in front of a speeding semi-trailer.
'nuff saidPosted 07-19-2009 at 07:19 AM by khelben 
- Being a Vet would suck. You think that you'll be treating puppies and kittens all day, and having lots of fun. But the reality your biggest day to day job will be telling children their pet is going to die. And then killing them.
The pets, obviously.Posted 07-19-2009 at 08:03 AM by Durandro - 5. Customer Service.
4. Customer Service.
3. Customer Service.
2. Customer Service.
1. Anything that requires Customer Service.
I'm not a people person, and I think shallow retards that wear a fake smile in order to get you to buy something should be shot on sight. It would make my "shopping experience" much more relaxing.
I just hate dealing with people, and if you're reading this, you're considered included until otherwise notified that your companionship is bareable.
My job? I tell my boss how dirty (contaminated) land that is being bought or sold is - in report form. I'd rather unearth another mound of oozing car batteries leaking straight into a class IV stream (cursing all the way) by the absolute dregs of society and record point for point the situation then fake interest in anyone.Posted 07-19-2009 at 08:07 AM by Conreeaght - 5. Cooking. Don't get me wrong, I did this once. I loved it. I loved it so much it became a passion - a hobby. But the fact is I can't start my own resturant, and now that I have such a passion for cooking, there isn't a human alive that could pay me enough to cook THEIR shitty recipies.
4. DAY CARE. Kids are PSYCHOTIC. I've never met a day care worker who wasn't completely insane by day 3. And don't confuse this with baby sitting. Babysitting is a different beast, you're dealing with A FEW kids at most, all whom live under the roof you are watching them under. Whole different beast from trying to watch 30 kids in a building that seems to be deisgned for the little ankle biters to hide from anyone who might enforce a brand of authority on them.
3. Professional MMA boxer. I can't fight worth a damn, this would be like one ongoing beating for years.
2. Sales. I've done this. And I can't do it again. I'm an honest man, and I wind up telling people interested in our highest profit item "no, don't buy that, it wears out in a year and you'll have to have it repaired or replaced. No no, much better to get this one over here.. it'll last longer, and it's better deal for the money... what, service plan? No those are bull, they wipe out everything anyway, and most devices won't have problems in the first year or three, so don't buy it now, buy it later!" And then I get fired.
1. TELEMARKETING - It's one thing to call people your company has done business with and hasn't heard from in a while... it's one thing to call BUSINESSES to ask for business... but people is just plain wrong. I had a dream once I was a telemarketer, and I got my mom on the other end. I woke up with a knife to my throat. So that's an exaggeration, but I did feel like killing myself for that.
Interesting choice this week, but I was expecting more controversial and less "well duh" questions.Posted 07-20-2009 at 02:26 PM by Karisita -
Sorry. Guess that's why so little response as opposed to last week... I'll have to try harder to bring it next saturday. Am thinking of switching it up and going for a 'best of' next week, but I'm still undecided. These lists are what my brain does while I work. lolPosted 07-20-2009 at 04:24 PM by Azadar - Problem with best of is that they don't tend to bring up as much controversy... You love someone I hate? Whatever. You hate my favorite band? Oh fuck you, it's on!
Posted 07-21-2009 at 07:53 AM by Karisita - Rofl. Good point. Ok, so we'll stick with a 'Worst of' then...
Posted 07-21-2009 at 02:05 PM by Azadar
