Top 5:
Posted 07-11-2009 at 01:48 PM by Azadar
So I decided to start a new "segment" for blogging here: The Top 5 List. For those of you who may have seen High Fidelity, yes, that's where the idea came from. I'm a huge fan of Cusak and Jack Black, so together in the same movie was a no-brainer. Love that flick.
Anyway, here are the "rules":
I'll try and set an agenda each week of what this week's list will be about. Feel free to make your replies as long - or keep them as short - as you like. Some Top 5's will be open for debate, probably mostly in sports and the like... Name-calling, mud-slinging and boisterousness are all heartily encouraged in these matters. Some, like today's, won't be 'debate' types as much, so mild name-calling is acceptable, but let's try to keep it civil. However, you are not allowed to leave a post here without leaving your own list. You can say anything you want to, but if you leave no list, I'll delete your post. That said, let's start the inagural Top 5 off with some vitriol:
Top 5 Bands I'd Like to Never Hear From Again:
Today's list is which 5 bands (for the purpose of this, 'band' includes solo artists, hip hop, etc... Performers) would you strike down horrifically if you got to be God for a day?
5. Creed - Amidst swirling rumors of a 'reunion' tour, I find myself tasting bile. Scott leaving the band and taking their name with him was the best thing that ever happened to the other members. Alter Bridge was far better in my opinion - especially without an over-inflated egomaniacal drunkard at the helm - and I hope that Scott dies is a car wreck before inflicting his drunk ass upon the world again.
4. Staind - I grew up in the same area that most of the members are from. I remember going to see them when they were an Alice In Chains cover band. They used to be heavy. The used to be good. It's hard to think of bigger sellouts than Staind. These days, Aaron Lewis's whiney rantings about how hard his life is just don't ring true. Yeah, must be hard to live in a million-plus dollar mansion in your home town, and take your Lamborghini out on the Mass Pike for kicks. You poor thing. Luckily, you will always have teenage girls, boys, and boys that wish they were girls to buy your albums. Who knew they had such spending power? STFU. Nobody cares that it's always raining in your head or that it's been a while...
3. Nirvana - It's said that the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist. The biggest talent Kurt Cobain ever displayed was somehow managing to convince the world that he and his band didn't suck. I'm not sure, in the grand scheme of things, which is worse: Cobain's needle-induced incoherent squawling, a band so bad that they used heavy distortion to cover up just how terrible they were (whilst foisting it off as genius), or the legions of meat-heads that still consider this band relevant and talented. If there had ever been any hint of suicidal inclinations before the day Cobain blew his head off, I'd have mailed him MY shotgun. Missing out on bird hunting is easily worth it if it meant I'd never have to hear one of these pieces of drek on the radio.
My original list had #2 and #3 reversed, but then I heard a song from #2 on the radio and found myself grinding my teeth without even realizing it. They catapulted up, leaving Nirvana to fall to #3.
2. Godsmack - AC/DC's frontman was once quoted as saying "People often say we made the same record thirteen times. Well, they're wrong... It was fourteen." If there is a God, Godsmack, and specifically frontman Sully, will contract some horrible, decidedly fatal illness long before they get to fourteen albums. Possibly one of the few bands that I regard as having even less talent than Nirvana, Sully's lyrics are likely composed from a list of ridiculous catch phrases which he throws darts at to decide which ones to use in his "newest" composition. We all know "get back!", Sully... How about taking some of your own advice and "just go away"?
And the worst of the worst goes to: /drumroll
1. Metallica - Before you start yelling, hear me out. Some bands should never get clean. Some bands should know when to JUST... GO.... AWAY!!!! They are tarnishing what was a legendary status by continuing to think they can make music. They can't. Luckily, they are able to cover up their growing ineptitude by stealing a page from Nirvana and Godsmack and just using heavy distortion. They call it "going back to their roots". I call it terri-bad. It's worse than terri-bad. I don't think a word exists in all of the languages of the world to describe just how utterly awful they are now. The death of bassist Cliff Burton was tragic in more ways than one. They got clean, and made the Black Album (a B- album at best) signalling the beginning of the end. Releases since then have been nothing short of wretched. No wonder Jason Newstead jumped ship. Every night before I go to bed, my prayers end with "And please, God, let Metallica die in a fire before they release another horrible piece of dog flatulence". You guys are the Brett Favre of rock. Please, for the sake of everyone, go somewhere there are no instruments, microphones or recording devices and stay there forever.
Your turn:
Anyway, here are the "rules":
I'll try and set an agenda each week of what this week's list will be about. Feel free to make your replies as long - or keep them as short - as you like. Some Top 5's will be open for debate, probably mostly in sports and the like... Name-calling, mud-slinging and boisterousness are all heartily encouraged in these matters. Some, like today's, won't be 'debate' types as much, so mild name-calling is acceptable, but let's try to keep it civil. However, you are not allowed to leave a post here without leaving your own list. You can say anything you want to, but if you leave no list, I'll delete your post. That said, let's start the inagural Top 5 off with some vitriol:
Top 5 Bands I'd Like to Never Hear From Again:
Today's list is which 5 bands (for the purpose of this, 'band' includes solo artists, hip hop, etc... Performers) would you strike down horrifically if you got to be God for a day?
5. Creed - Amidst swirling rumors of a 'reunion' tour, I find myself tasting bile. Scott leaving the band and taking their name with him was the best thing that ever happened to the other members. Alter Bridge was far better in my opinion - especially without an over-inflated egomaniacal drunkard at the helm - and I hope that Scott dies is a car wreck before inflicting his drunk ass upon the world again.
4. Staind - I grew up in the same area that most of the members are from. I remember going to see them when they were an Alice In Chains cover band. They used to be heavy. The used to be good. It's hard to think of bigger sellouts than Staind. These days, Aaron Lewis's whiney rantings about how hard his life is just don't ring true. Yeah, must be hard to live in a million-plus dollar mansion in your home town, and take your Lamborghini out on the Mass Pike for kicks. You poor thing. Luckily, you will always have teenage girls, boys, and boys that wish they were girls to buy your albums. Who knew they had such spending power? STFU. Nobody cares that it's always raining in your head or that it's been a while...
3. Nirvana - It's said that the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist. The biggest talent Kurt Cobain ever displayed was somehow managing to convince the world that he and his band didn't suck. I'm not sure, in the grand scheme of things, which is worse: Cobain's needle-induced incoherent squawling, a band so bad that they used heavy distortion to cover up just how terrible they were (whilst foisting it off as genius), or the legions of meat-heads that still consider this band relevant and talented. If there had ever been any hint of suicidal inclinations before the day Cobain blew his head off, I'd have mailed him MY shotgun. Missing out on bird hunting is easily worth it if it meant I'd never have to hear one of these pieces of drek on the radio.
My original list had #2 and #3 reversed, but then I heard a song from #2 on the radio and found myself grinding my teeth without even realizing it. They catapulted up, leaving Nirvana to fall to #3.
2. Godsmack - AC/DC's frontman was once quoted as saying "People often say we made the same record thirteen times. Well, they're wrong... It was fourteen." If there is a God, Godsmack, and specifically frontman Sully, will contract some horrible, decidedly fatal illness long before they get to fourteen albums. Possibly one of the few bands that I regard as having even less talent than Nirvana, Sully's lyrics are likely composed from a list of ridiculous catch phrases which he throws darts at to decide which ones to use in his "newest" composition. We all know "get back!", Sully... How about taking some of your own advice and "just go away"?
And the worst of the worst goes to: /drumroll
1. Metallica - Before you start yelling, hear me out. Some bands should never get clean. Some bands should know when to JUST... GO.... AWAY!!!! They are tarnishing what was a legendary status by continuing to think they can make music. They can't. Luckily, they are able to cover up their growing ineptitude by stealing a page from Nirvana and Godsmack and just using heavy distortion. They call it "going back to their roots". I call it terri-bad. It's worse than terri-bad. I don't think a word exists in all of the languages of the world to describe just how utterly awful they are now. The death of bassist Cliff Burton was tragic in more ways than one. They got clean, and made the Black Album (a B- album at best) signalling the beginning of the end. Releases since then have been nothing short of wretched. No wonder Jason Newstead jumped ship. Every night before I go to bed, my prayers end with "And please, God, let Metallica die in a fire before they release another horrible piece of dog flatulence". You guys are the Brett Favre of rock. Please, for the sake of everyone, go somewhere there are no instruments, microphones or recording devices and stay there forever.
Your turn:
Total Comments 13
Comments
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Ah hahahahaha!
My top 5 would that are not in any particular level of dislike or hate:
5. the killers: how can a band named as "the killers" sing songs that are just so tweeny whiny.
4. shortstack: a myspace phenomenon (apparently) that should just go and disappear from whence it came from.
3. jonah bros: do i really need to fill in a reason here. it really should speak for itself?!?!?
2. hannah montana/miley cyrus: see reasons for 3 and 2 and doubly apply here.
1. rolling stones: they are a classic band....but 50+ yr old men sleazing on younger, much, much younger women is just creepy.Posted 07-11-2009 at 02:57 PM by khelben 
- Same as the original, but replace #4 with Nickelback. Speaking on behalf of Canadians: We're sorry we only seem to export the crap (you can keep Celene Dion), we still have some stuff that's worth a listen.
Posted 07-11-2009 at 04:00 PM by Conreeaght - Keep it the same as original, but make #3 Nickelback instead, for the same reason as Godsmack. Nirvana was kinda bad, not bad enough to make the top 5. Also Alter Bridge was just as bad as Creed, just missing that douchebag Stapp as the frontman.
Posted 07-11-2009 at 06:49 PM by Dreador - At first, when I just scanned the page, I thought this was a 'top five' list in a positive way.
Thank godness I read it properly and realised it wasn't. I agree on all those bands, though maybe not in that order. And I may have a slight issue with the usage of the word 'heavy', but then my tastes are extreme to say the least.
Problem with lists like this, however, is there's not enough room to put them all in. There are alot of bands that deserve to be here. An awful lot.
Though I must say I have a much bigger beef with Nirvana's fans then I do the band itself. Just because someone kills himself does NOT make him a martyr or a god-like figure for teenage rebellion. He was just a weak minded man who needs to be forgotten.Posted 07-11-2009 at 07:44 PM by Durandro -
To those that got removed, it's nothing personal, but ya gotta bring it. This one is about vitriol. Call out the worst bands you can think of, or call someone an idiot for the bands they're calling out... Also, I agree that Nickleback sucks, but not enough (to me) to crack the Top 5. And on behalf of America, we accept your apology for seemingly exporting crap. (Barenaked Ladies, Celiine, Nickleback)
Who could blame you for keeping the good ones to yourselves though?
And Khelben, I agree about The Killers. Again, they don't annoy me enough to crack the Top 5, but they do annoy me. It's the same principle as The Violent Femmes... Who are neither 'violent' (in fact, quite wussy) nor Feminine (all dudes, though the lead singer sometimes sounds like he's been castrated).Posted 07-12-2009 at 05:44 AM by Azadar
Updated 07-12-2009 at 06:07 AM by Azadar (Expounding) - 5. Jet. Was any other band quite so overplayed without EVER becoming a legend? I mean at least Metallica went what, 20 years before bombing horribly with St. Anger? Jet did nothing good, made a shitty song, probably paid a mountain of money to hundreds of radio stations to overplay the shit out of it, and made everyone think it's "popular"... hell half the requests probably came from Jet's publicists.
4. Alter Bridge - I see a lot of people who hate creed here, but they had quite a few songs that I really did enjoy. Alter Bridge had everything I hated about creed, and while Scott Stapp may be a complete fucking douchebag, like Rage Against the Machine, Creed is ALL BAD without him, and that's pretty much what Alter Bridge is.
3. audioslave - Do I really need to say more? Thank god they were only popular for about ten minutes.
2. Placebo - Seriously, France.. your army sucks... your attitude sucks, and your music sucks. Don't send it here.
1. NIGHTWISH - OVER... PLAYED... EMO.. CRAP. Almost as emo as Type O Negative, only, without the balls to fake their own death on stage.
And for everyone else, don't be a pussy, stop saying "same as OP" make up your own damn list, take a chance!Posted 07-12-2009 at 09:27 PM by Karisita - Karisita - WIN!!! You clearly see what I'm going for here, and I thank you wholeheartedly for your contribution!!
Jet, the band that said in an interview that they hoped to be the "australian ac/dc" how could I forget them on the "Top 5 of Fail"?
... and, though I don't know the work of Placebo, your explaination makes me both laugh and revile them at the same time!! Bravo!!!!
Yours is the perfect reply, especially to the other posters - except Khelben, who also brought it. Thank you.Posted 07-12-2009 at 10:44 PM by Azadar
Updated 07-12-2009 at 10:55 PM by Azadar - Nightwish made a few good songs a while back. It's pretty subpar now though.
Though that's NOTHING compared to the atrocity that is Cryptopsy. Imagine one of your favourite bands. Now imagine they kick out their vocalist. And their lead guitarist and songwriter leaves. And then they bring in an utterly terrible Emo vocalist, a keyboardist who literally does nothing bar pose for band pictures, all the music is toned down, dumbed down and generally made into generic Deathcore.
And then imagine the band accusing its fans of being idiots when they say they don't like it, and claim they are more brutal then ever.
Fail. Utter. Fail. But at least their previous albums are good, and aren't completely sullied by this abomination.Posted 07-13-2009 at 02:22 AM by Durandro - 5. Killers
4. The Cure
3. Modest Mouse
2. Nickleback
1. NOFX
All these bands are extremely crappy/over played.Posted 07-13-2009 at 09:22 AM by DwarvenTankard - No particular order,but I despise these 5.
5.AFI-Typical crappy emo band where they have a very feminine guy singing.
4. Three Days Grace- Why does Canada send such crap over it's borders...dumping garbage is illegal you know.
3. Mushroom Head-every time time one of my friends plays their "songs" I want to use the CD as a target.
2.Insane Clown Posse-Who are they trying to fool?? These are 2 white guys dressing as clowns and "singing" about killing people and raping them? Clowns are supposed to be entertainers where as these guys are just boring.
1. Last and probably least is Slipknot. Now I enjoy the music,provides something interesting to learn on guitar,but the image is just dumb,pretty much the same reason as the clowns.Posted 07-13-2009 at 11:03 PM by Psychobassist111 - Slipknot's older stuff is enjoyable. Their newer stuff is just boring. It's lost the one thing that it had going for it - unbridled rage and anger. Made for some very good and catchy songs.
The masks are just a personal thing.Posted 07-14-2009 at 12:20 AM by Durandro - Amazing thread... SO here goes!
Number 5: U2. Was it just a bad dream, or did I see these guys in a commercial recently? *shudder* If every song I had heard from them had'nt sucked, I might be more inclined to not want them to die horribly. Or maybe from old age, that would probably be sooner.
Number 4: Fall Out Boy. Actually never heard the music, also pretty sure if I had these guys would have ranked higher on the list. Do yourself a favor and google these losers, and ask yourself if abortion is really a bad thing.
Number 3. Depeche Mode. Losing my religion? Closer to losing my will to live, or possibly just finding the will to shove a pencil into my ear. Just awful.
Number 2. Insane Clown Posse. There is just not enough space to write down all the things I hate about these guys. Is it the fact that they have a "festival" that attracts more rednecks than a truck driving through a possums nest? Is it the horrible sounds? The ridiculous themes? Or just the pure FAIL radiation? You make the call.
Number 1. Wow... You have to be really something to top this list. The next band has managed to worm their gay little claws into the genre of music I love most, and that's why I name...
CRADLE OF FILTH. Quite simply, the most insulting thing that can be said about a true black metal warrior is that he listens to this excrement. The gay vampire themes, the horrible screaming, that midget frontman... It all makes me wish I had a terminal illness so I could take them all with me, and consequences be damned.
Fun thread
Posted 07-14-2009 at 09:12 AM by Stormgard88 - Good stuff, Psycho. Storm... I lol'd at every point. I couldn't agree more with either of you. The fact that there are just so many truly awful musicians out there is what makes this fun. Keep them coming, guys and gals. And look for the next Top 5 to break around Friday or Saturday this week!!
Posted 07-14-2009 at 03:49 PM by Azadar
Updated 07-14-2009 at 03:50 PM by Azadar (spelling fail.)
