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Eravian
12-18-2009, 10:40 AM
Greetings all. My name is Eravian, and this is my unsolicited, unendorsed guide to being super 1337.

People often ask me "Eravian, how can I be 1337sauce like you are."

The short answer: "You can't be. There is only one Eravian."

That being said, for all of you would be ubr1337 out there, I have taken the time to put together this little guide of tips, pointers, and advice to guide you on your path to personal 1337ness.

My Credentials

If you have to ask that, you have obviously never heard of me, and are a complete fail/noob. That being said, even a fail/noob MUST have heard of my main, Ubrhawtzz the Blood Elf Hunter, that used to play on a different server before he was perma-banned for soloing Black Temple before BC was released... which coincidentally actually leads me to my first point.

1. "My Main on another server..."

The first and most important tip that I give out to people working towards my level of 1337ness is to make sure that you always have a ubr-geard toon on another server, preferably a 6k GS tank that does 5k dps in raids, can solo any Heroic and 10-man Naxx (maybe OS as well), and has every or nearly every achievement.

Now, for many people, this sounds like a daunting task. They say to me "But Eravian, I am a mere mortal. I don't have a main on another server that has done all that."

This, my friends, is where the magic is: neither do I. ;-)

You see, the beauty of having a main on another server is that most people that you are running with will not bother to look it up. This is tip #1 - you don't actually have to have a main on another server to say that you do!

This way, you are able to fit in even in groups that vastly outgear/outskill you, because most will not look it up.

You will, occasionally, however, have some know-it-all pull up some website and look to see your toon. But do not fear! Eravian knows the secret for this as well! Make sure when mentioning your main that you mention either:
A. the account is now inactive
B. the toon was perma-banned, usually for something like camping a GM for six hours
C. the account got hacked and the toon deleted

In this way, those who look to find said ubrpwnz0r toon will know why the toon does not show up.

2. Make yourself known

Of course, all that 1337ness won't do you any good if your name is not well-known on your server. That's why the real 1337 player uses the Trade channel.

Accessed by typing /2, the trade channel is the 1337masta's best friend in WoW. Spanning across all the major cities, you can ensure that everyone in every major city sees your name and hears what you have to say. Usually the best way to get noticed is to say things that will get you reported to a GM and/or to start telling Chuck Norris jokes.

But, where many people fail to obtain real-1337skillz is to realize that you can't spend ALL your time on the trade channel. While a good 75% of your time is spent their, the real 1337z0r will also spend about 20% of their time making a name for themselves in Goldshire, the abode of most, if not all, truly 1337 players.

The other 5% of your play time is spent pugging instances, which will be explained next.

3. The PuG

The PuG is the venue through which most players of Eravian's caliber obtain their loot. However, finding a pug group can be difficult. The best way is often to form the raid yourself. Since you don't want to group with a bunch of /failnoobs, the easiest way to ensure yourself a quality group is to spam the trusty trade channel that you are looking for a group for a dungeon, and that they must link achievements and have at least a 5k gearscore to attend. If doing anything besides Naxx, you may want to increase the gearscore demands.

*Note: When leading your own pugs, always make sure you are set up as Master Looter, as this makes getting the drops you want vastly easier.*

Tip: Should someone joining your group call you out on your own gearscore or lack of achievements, this is a good time to refer to Tip #1 relating to mains on other servers.

However, since you don't want to ALWAYS lead your own runs, there are other ways to ensure that you get into a good group.

1. Always indicate your dps as being 1-2k better than it actually is. If you have not gotten any interest after 5-10 minutes, increase it by another 1k. Continue in this fashion until you have been invited into a group.

2. Learn to pew-pew. If you're in a good group, you don't need to worry about the fight mechanics. Simply do your best to inflate your dps as much as you can until you die. If you die, it's either the tanks fault for losing aggro, or the healers fault for not healing you through the damage you were taking.
After you die, if the group is good, the fight is over. Simply leave the keyboard and wait for the loot (be careful to check that you do not receive a battle rez, however. If you do, accept it while your body is in a pool of fire, THEN go afk after you have died a second time).
In fights where there is no raid-wide damage, just remember to do your best attacks to increase your dps. When Eravian is dual-wielding his Peacekeeper's Blades in his Arms spec, for example, I like to use a rotation of Rend, Hamstring, then Heroic Strike until I'm out of rage, repeat. Doing this, with lots of Haste Gems in my pvp gear, I'm able to consistently put out a solid 1.6k dps with only 10-man raid buffs.

3. Don't forget your gear! You can't expect to get into instances if your gear is sub-par! The first thing you want to go for is epics. Epic loot is denoted by purple name text. If you see an epic drop for a slot that you don't have one yet, make sure you select Need!
After you have a purple item in every slot, you want to make sure you look at the items "Item Level." The higher the better. A really good way to get higher Item level items is to queue up for battlegrounds. Once your inside, you can either run around and actually pvp, or you can do what I prefer to do, and simply let your character sit in the graveyard until the battleground is over. This works especially well in larger bg's like Conquest Hold and Alterac Valley.



Although I could go more in-depth on supr-pwnz0r-1337ness, there's only so much that I can give away without jeopardizing my position as the 1337357 player in WoW. The rest is up to you. After all, the path to true 1337ness is the path of self-discovery. Good luck to you, future roflpwnz0r!

Eravian
12-18-2009, 11:09 AM
This is what a boring day at work will spawn... all that potential productivity, out the window...

Aggathon
12-20-2009, 02:46 AM
Funny post, I know what you mean about being bored at work, I just hope no one takes it seriously =P

Genesis_Omega
12-20-2009, 04:28 AM
Oh come on, I need to learn more on being a master :o

Eravian
12-21-2009, 11:38 AM
Yeah, I think I'd cry a little on the inside if it was taking seriously... I purposefully put it in Off-Topic to cut down on the possibility.

And @ Genesis_Omega, I'll think about adding another section that talks about using z's whenever possible and abbreviating anything longer than four letters. ;)

zaubade
12-29-2009, 11:13 AM
WOW this is to funny. Sounds like 99% of the trade chat morons on my server.

dotOrion
12-30-2009, 02:13 AM
You will, occasionally, however, have some know-it-all pull up some website and look to see your toon. But do not fear! Eravian knows the secret for this as well! Make sure when mentioning your main that you mention either:
A. the account is now inactive
B. the toon was perma-banned, usually for something like camping a GM for six hours
C. the account got hacked and the toon deleted


You could always claim you're that Taiwanese guy that got every possible achievement in WoW and you're now trying to do it on a second character.

Eravian
12-30-2009, 12:26 PM
This is random and tangential, but the line "There is only one Eravian" was actually lifted straight from the intro to some show I saw with Fabio in it, where he said that exact thing (swapping his name out for Eravian)...
"People ask if there will be another Fabio. No. There is only one Fabio."

I thought that was funny, so I thought I'd share...

Satorri
01-09-2010, 06:53 AM
Great stuff, really hilarious.


Though, >.>, I have a DK I leveled on another server to play with friends, and I've actually had to reference my main for credentials, ha ha.

Eisen
01-09-2010, 02:19 PM
Funny post, I know what you mean about being bored at work, I just hope no one takes it seriously =P

See, go listen to trade chat *shudder* sometime. People DO take this seriously. It scares me.