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View Full Version : Funny Things Ive Heard as a Tech



Genova
03-26-2009, 02:55 PM
Ive heard a few funny things working as a computer tech support guy....

A few people I work with have decided to put together a "Famous Tech Support Quotes" list.

Here is what we have so far that we have heard people actually tell us on the phone here in the last week.

1. "The Power Cord Jumped" (when they moved the i5)
2. "Keyboard won't communicate with the hard drive"
3. "Communicators on the computer aren't communicating"
4. "Can you check my modus operande and see if my door is shut"
5. “The terminal screen thingy that you write on, is not taking my writing”
6. “Accidentally hit a breaker”
7. “What are you typing in as the part number?” “GIFTSPACECARD”………
8. “Why for it no work”
9. “Could we might hook it up?”
10. “My printer won’t do right”
11. “I’ve got a tower going into a spastic seizure”
12. “I know it is powered on, it is warm to the touch. This one is not powered on, it is cold to the touch”.

I figure maybe some other's on here do this sort of job... Add to my list so me and the people I work with can have something to laugh at. Dont link me any lists either! :D

kolben
03-26-2009, 03:10 PM
"My email won't come on" - The battery in his laptop was dead. This is a man with a Masters in Civil Engineering, and an office decorated with certificates and diplomas claiming he's a smart guy :P

Genova
03-26-2009, 03:27 PM
Now that is impressive, a guy with a masters you would figure could troubleshoot something like that... but I guess it depends on if he got his master's in the pre 90's or the 90's+.

The people I troubleshoot are just good ole boys who sell car parts and I cant blame them for not knowing computers, but it's still funny nonetheless. :D

Lizana
03-26-2009, 03:43 PM
"My computer was hot, so i put it in the bathtub, will it be okay to use later?"
From a sorority girl at my college campus

"My computer kinda fell out the window and a car ran over it, can you guys fix that"
From a guy that lived on the 15th floor of a dorm.

"I need some one to come to my room, my goldfish is stuck inside my computer"
Once again female at my campus - Had put beta fish bowl inside computer because they thought it was too cold in the room and couldn't open the case back up again. The fish was long dead by the time we got there...

"I want to file a complaint", and after being asked what for, "your officer broke my computers internet and now it is saying No Connection, i want my connection turned back on"
From another female, that we took everything but her monitor/keyboard/mouse to the office to repair it.

Tatt
03-26-2009, 03:46 PM
I am not a tech, but I stood in line at a time warner cable office and watched two stoners in front of me say that their cable box had spontaneously caught fire....the fire came from the outside, and their was actually burnt marijuana seeds embedded into the frame of the cable box.....

Uruz
03-26-2009, 08:54 PM
Not exactly tech support, but I sell warranty coverage to homeowners and you would not believe how many people ask this: "The water lines are different than the sewer lines?" or "Thats two separate lines?"

I don't think you need to be a plumber to realize that your drinking water is in no way the same as sewage (at least not in most parts of the US).

knockcha
03-26-2009, 09:43 PM
auto store
"what kind of car do you drive?"
responses..
the green one
your spose to know
questions like wheres my transmission located
whats a headlight
is it bad if your car doesnt have oil and its making strang noises
and my car has four wheels it has four wheel drive your wrong two wheel is a motorcycle..

NexsusTheFrostDeathKnight
03-27-2009, 12:57 AM
"I like the purple computer!" -me.

Satrina
03-27-2009, 07:44 AM
And since every bit of data that is processed through your computer gets saved into a encrypted section of your hard drive

Jalousie
03-27-2009, 09:12 AM
One day tech support people will realise that these lists aren't actually funny and the sky will fall in.

Eisen
03-27-2009, 03:40 PM
I know the post that came from Satrina. I just nearly broke something laughing.

So, I got a good one, from back when I did cable TV tech. User calls up, says he has no cable, he gets a black screen when he turns his TV on. Now, he's still got an analog converter (yes that's dating how long ago this was), so I know he should be seeing static if anything. But I go through a few things...

Me: Are you sure the TV is on?
Him: Yes. I press the on button and it comes on, but has no picture
Me: OK let's check a few things on your cable box.....

About 5 minutes into this I ask him to check to make sure everything is plugged in OK in the back.

Him: I'll try, but I can't really see back there, it's too dark.
Me: OK, could you possibly turn on a light or get a flashlight to help?
Him: Well there's a lamp right here, but it won't turn on.

Warning bells go off.

Me: Why not, sir?
Him: Because my power is out.

............dead silence on the phone for about five minutes while I try to think of something to say that WON'T get me fired.

Him: Will you send someone out to fix my cable now?
Me: Sir, the reason you con't have any TV service is because you have no electricity.
Him: What does power have to do with my television?

After about 10 minutes of trying to explain this he hung up on me, after vowing to talk to someone that knew what they were doing better than me.

Moral of the story: It's always the question you didn't ask, no matter how silly that question may have been.

kolben
03-27-2009, 03:52 PM
One day tech support people will realise that these lists aren't actually funny and the sky will fall in.

It will always be entertaining to laugh at the misery of working in IT.

What's not funny is the wealth of morons who know just enough to be dangerous and have access to a budget.

Lizana
03-28-2009, 02:01 PM
One day tech support people will realise that these lists aren't actually funny and the sky will fall in.

They only arent funny if your the moron being laughed at, or your too tech literate to know what we are speaking about

Uruz
03-28-2009, 11:23 PM
They only arent funny if your the moron being laughed at, or your too tech literate to know what we are speaking about

In my experience people don't find these things funny until they work in tech support and realize just how many people have no idea how anything they use in their day to day lives actually works.

ttocs
03-28-2009, 11:29 PM
IT humor is a lot like office humor. You appreciate it more when you experience it.

Jalousie
03-29-2009, 05:46 AM
They only arent funny if your the moron being laughed at, or your too tech literate to know what we are speaking about

Not really. Every single profession has a parallel kind of humour, and as Uruz said there are funny sides to every job. But for some reason IT support seem to have a particular snobbery about their brand of 'morons'. I'm a linguist but I don't pick holes in people's grammar, even though I find it unbelievable that the majority of people don't seem to be able to distinguish between "your" and "you're".

This isn't really a flame, it's just interesting that people who work in a field which require a high level of training - because computers are fairly complex beasts and are developing and changing at a hell of a rate - should be amongst the most unsympathetic.

Eisen
03-29-2009, 03:50 PM
Not really. Every single profession has a parallel kind of humour, and as Uruz said there are funny sides to every job. But for some reason IT support seem to have a particular snobbery about their brand of 'morons'. I'm a linguist but I don't pick holes in people's grammar, even though I find it unbelievable that the majority of people don't seem to be able to distinguish between "your" and "you're".

This isn't really a flame, it's just interesting that people who work in a field which require a high level of training - because computers are fairly complex beasts and are developing and changing at a hell of a rate - should be amongst the most unsympathetic.

Being in IT, I have a policy about this.

I work in tech support. That means I get paid money to assist people who are not good with computers, because (presumably) I AM good with them.

The people I support don't understand computers or technology. That's fine. I support a very small clientele (pharma sales reps) who have an in depth knowledge of medicine I don't. We all have our skillsets.

HOWEVER. There is a thing called common sense. It is not all that common. There is also a rather famous axiom: "I know enough to know I don't know." Don't pretend you're a brilliant software engineer when you're asking me if there's a way to move text from one part of a document to another in Windows, because you've never heard of it. And don't get mad at me when I ask you to follow basic instructions, and you choose not to and screw something up. I will respect your lack of technical knowledge if you yourself are respectful, polite, and willing to listen. That's all I ever ask.

Argamasilla
03-30-2009, 11:14 AM
There is a line, and it isn't a fine line, between knowing how things work and the inability to recognize that you need power for electrical devices to operate.

While I was a Radar/Nav Tech in the Air Force, I would be called out to a Redball on the line; a Pilot in a running jet is having technical problems.

Our pilots are very bright, well trained, and able to quickly adapt to changing conditions in the air. They are also subject to information overload. So, when I arrive at the running jet, and the pilot tells me that their INS has failed to initialize, I ask him calmly to describe the switchology (position of his toggles and power). 90% of the time, the devices were in the "Official Mode" .... OFF, or STBY.

As an IT person now, I recognize that when someone calls me about this or that not working, the last thing on their mind is WHY its not working. They are more concerned about getting that email out or the excel sheet that closed with 3 hours of work lost; just like the pilot was worried about keeping his On-Target time and what his mission was.

Just because it is embarrassing for them doesn't make it not funny. Humans are wired to laugh at someone that trips, laugh first, ask if they are OK later. So its a true evolution for IT people to NOT laugh in your face, but perfectly acceptable to laugh later; basically asking if you are OK after the trip first, then laughing when you are.

kolben
03-30-2009, 03:03 PM
It's pretty easy to forget that that super-human brain power you see in the movies, with the person processing an amazing amount of information like a cyborg is just that.... in the movies.

Since we brought up airplanes, I once heard that it takes about 85% of a fighter/attack pilot's brain power just to successfully fly the jet. Consider that they are educated, have a very high aptitude for the job, and get loads of practice and that's pretty impressive work stress.

In practice I'm never rude when someone comes to me complaining that the "thinger" won't turn on, or they get a "message" then they click on the "thinger". I save that for a smirk and shaking my head on the way back to my cube, or posts like this.

To a degree, laughing at someone's lack of knowledge is not just stress relief but it's also kind of a rite of passage. Our language is full of terms for people who are new to a task.... plebes, nubs, nuggets, wingnuts, rookie, butter bars, greenhorns, etc. :)

Dubzil
03-30-2009, 03:31 PM
lol @ someone taking offense to this, you were laughed at by a help desk in india weren't you... Funniest things I hear as a tech actually come from helpdesks in India.. kinda sad.

Eisen
03-30-2009, 05:28 PM
lol @ someone taking offense to this, you were laughed at by a help desk in india weren't you... Funniest things I hear as a tech actually come from helpdesks in India.. kinda sad.

MY helpdesk (the folks my company has to call when we have problems) are from India. They're great guys, actually got to meet a couple of them. The one guy was a huge metal fan, so we spent the week he was here comparing playlists.

But they had some fantastic stories too.

Genova
03-31-2009, 11:45 AM
To a degree, laughing at someone's lack of knowledge is not just stress relief but it's also kind of a rite of passage. Our language is full of terms for people who are new to a task.... plebes, nubs, nuggets, wingnuts, rookie, butter bars, greenhorns, etc. :)

I agree with that 100% thats one of the things that cools me off after having a person lie to me for 2 hours about something that I asked 400 times. If you dont have anything in your job to laugh at, your just a robot.

I never laugh at someone, or make fun of them on the phone... why would I? Their job isn't tech support... but that doesnt mean I can't laugh at the fact that they called and said "My printer ain't doin nothin". I dont know if its more surprising how many people dont know anything about computers, or how many people dont know how to properly form a sentence. They should do a study on that :o


Edit:
Ya, and to whoever posted the stuff about the parts store thing.. I worked auto parts for 3 years haha... been there.... those outnumber tech support calls by a million. :D

"What kind of car is it?"
"A 1978 Chevy Vortec 350"
"Uh they didnt start Vortec until 1996".
"WHAT YOU CALLIN ME A LIAR BOY".